Hello, I’m Doug Walker, father of five wonderful children and founder of “Fathers Raising Sons,” and I want to first start by thanking you for your desire to be a better father!
So many dads these days want to be better – but just don’t take that first step. And that is one of the biggest reasons we have a world filled with young men that wander without direction or purpose in life.
I know because I was one of those young men.
I know the pain of not having a father to instruct and coach me to prepare me for manhood. I wasn’t encouraged or affirmed to give me confidence, and I wasn’t given a clear vision of it meant to be a man.
Whenever I look back at my mistake-filled life as a young man, it emboldens me to make sure my sons don’t enter their adult years without the tools they will need to stand strong and be known for their Integrity. And I know this world will constantly tempt them to compromise themselves.
This is why I am so passionate about being the best father I can be for my sons.
And I hope you are too.
I can still remember when I embarked on my own journey of trying to become a “great dad.”
I remember feeling so much pressure, feeling so inadequate, and seeing it as a daunting challenge that I knew I wasn’t prepared for.
I envisioned it would require me to spend a great deal of time reading books, attending seminars, and making a “master plan.” But how could I do it when the demands of my work and home life already took all my waking hours?
Well, I decided my family was worth it, and I would just have to struggle through it.
And struggle I did.
I read some wonderful books, attended many great seminars, watched hundreds of YouTube videos, and read thousands of blog posts.
I was serious about being a better father and giving my kids more than what I had, and I was going to do whatever it took to make sure they had it, no matter how much sleep I lost.
But for some reason I still didn’t have what I needed.
I could either spend time researching, or spend time training them – but I just couldn’t find time to do both!
My actions and conversations were so random. I really didn’t know if I was having any impact on my sons at all, and that lack of confidence kept me from being consistent.
I was failing, and I knew it!
And I felt my wife and kids knew it as well, so that made me feel even worse.
But one morning I was tossing in my bed (praying in the early morning hours), and it hit me. (I believe God showed me what I was doing wrong in such a clear and simple way.)
I discovered something that changed my whole perspective and gave me such freedom!
The fact was, the reality I had created was just one reality.
And I could see that there were 4 critical changes that I needed to make to turn things around.
- First and foremost, I needed to recognize that the one thing I had – that all fathers have to give to their sons – is the wisdom of our life experiences.
* This was the most important mental step I took, and the one change that removed the huge burden I created of having to become an “expert Father.”
As fathers, we have to realize we have been down the roads they are going to travel, and they want to hear our stories and how we dealt with things. And sometimes our baddecisions are exactly what our sons need to hear – it makes us human, and they can relate to us so much better if they know we aren’t “perfect” AND we don’t expect that of them! - Then I had to take all this information and great wisdom I had acquired and simplify itinto some general categories. This allowed me to not have to be so rehearsed and specific, but to structure my conversations around a central theme they could connect with. With only 5 or 10 minutes reviewing what I wanted to share, I would have at least 20-30 minutes of conversation and discussion.
- I also realized I needed a method to stay consistent. I needed a plan for the year’s topics of conversation, and I needed a method of reminding me each week like an email or Calendar reminder. And this plan must be progressively building towards the end goal, so my conversations needed to change in their complexities as they grew older.
- And lastly, I knew for this to stick long-term, I needed some tools that would allow me and my sons to review their progress together in a way that focused their minds on achieving the end goal – Manhood! A type of measuring stick, or scorecard to use throughout our trainings.
When I started doing this with my sons, it was night and day!
This was no longer a stale monologue where I talked and I assumed they absorbed all my great wisdom. We were now having a conversation where they were engaged and contributing their thoughts and ideas. They were now taking part in their education, and they were coming to their own conclusions vs. me telling them what they should do.
I could see the lights come on when we talked, and more importantly, they always looked forward to our time together –and so did I! Those old feelings of failure were now replaced with confidence and a true joy of fulfilling my role as their father.
This is what I want to share with as many fathers as possible, so you can experience the same joy of relationship with your son, and the satisfaction that you are providing him the fatherly training and advice he needs!
The breakthrough thought you need to realize is this: You already have so many valuable things to share with your son – you just need a plan and method to give you the platform to have those conversations.
So what I want to share with you are several things that helped me, and I hope will help you really transform your ability to be the father you want to be to your sons.
Soon, I’ll be releasing some tools that helped me along this journey, and I still use them today.
I’m so excited for you to catch the vision and experience the simplicity of carrying out your role as a Father, using these tools that show you how to do it consistently throughout your young man’s journey into manhood!
Doug Walker
committed to being my son’s MVP for life!